i never knew why i had a connection to the musical Company, i'm not 35, my birthday was months ago, and marriage is not all around me (even though it feels like it).
i made a realization tonight after a friend told me to "want something" and pushed me. i almost broke down right there, i realized i haven't wanted anything. i can't remember the last time i did want something.
i'm scared, i don't know what i want, i feel that i'm this shadow of an actual person going about his day to day activities with no drive, nothing pushing me to do better, to be greater than what i am.
then they said something else,
you have pick yourself up and get it, no one will pick you up.
another valid point, i have wanted someone to pull me, push me, push back, but when it got to hard i would give up...
i'm a shell of a person, living the life of someone who could/can be great,
let me be used, vary my days,
alone, is alone, not alive...
crowd me, force me
let me,
be
alive
